The Future for Ukraine Foundation’s GIDNA project helps women affected by russia’s brutal war against Ukraine regain emotional balance, inner strength, and the resilience to move forward.
In May, it will be a year since the project launched a special program to work with the Indefinite Loss. Project psychologists provide free support to women whose relatives went missing or are in captivity. Each program participant receives 16 consultations with a psychologist, as well as monthly support after the course. During the year of its work, the Indefinite Loss team received 41 applications, and 35 women have already completed therapy and learned to process their pain in a healthy, sustainable way. And most importantly, they started living with hope in their hearts again!
“An indefinite loss is something that has no limits or boundaries. It is the unknown, and therefore it is difficult to talk about. Sometimes it is much clearer to talk about the actual loss. It is uncertainty that is the trauma that destroys a person from the inside every day and lasts for years. The woman feels tired more and more every day. She feels anger as hope fades—anger at the whole world...” comments Anna Hrubaia, curator of the GIDNA project.
Three months ago, Iryna Kozareva, who has been waiting for her son to return from captivity for three years, applied to the GIDNA project for help. For the woman, it's been three years without sleep, and two years without any news from Yaroslav, a Mariupol defender who was captured in May 2022.
“He didn’t want to hurt me, so he kept everything to himself” — Iryna recalls her last conversation with her son
Yaroslav, a defender in Mariupol, was a football fan, supporting FC Dynamo. His mother recalls that he and his friends always had an active civic position and participated in actions. They joined Azov brigade together.
Yaroslav didn't want to admit to his mother that he had decided to defend the country until the very end. But he shared the secret with his older brother, who could not stand it and told his mother. There was no point in crying, Iryna recalls: “I just asked him how can I help you there?”
When the full-scale invasion began, Yaroslav was the first to call her. “In the evening I wrote to him: Son, you will be completely surrounded, do you have a plan B? And he said: We have all the plans, we are armed, and we know what we are doing.” At some point, Yaroslav disappeared, stopped answering.
As it turned out, Yaroslav was wounded. During the battles for Mariupol, the defender sustained severe concussion, lost his hearing, vision and coordination. Later, the russian army dropped a bomb on the hospital where Yaroslav was staying. The man was taken to Azovstal. On the 21st day, he wrote that everything was fine, he was alive, and there was no mobile connection.
The last time Iryna spoke to her son was when he surrendered on May 18, 2022. Before leaving, the defenders received an order to destroy their phones and weapons, and communication disappeared.
Terrorist attack on Olenivka: “I prayed day and night”
Yaroslav, along with other Azovstal prisoners, was taken to Olenivka. Although communication was forbidden, one prisoner managed to obtain a SIM card. Yaroslav called his beloved, Valeria. Then came terrible news: the russians had staged a terrorist attack at the prison colony. At least 53 prisoners were killed and more than 130 injured. According to russian reports, 193 people were in the barracks that was blown up—including Yaroslav.
“I knew he couldn’t die because I prayed day and night. I cried out to God, screamed, bargained with Him. I pleaded: ‘God, take me instead. Just let him live.”
When Iryna received the full list, she saw it was a list of the wounded. That meant there was still hope. A few days later, a nurse from a hospital called to say Yaroslav was alive. His condition was stable, but one of his arms wasn’t functioning. He managed to contact his family from the hospital only once. That was their last conversation.
Months later, Iryna saw a report on a propaganda Telegram channel — a brief glimpse of her son in captivity. She had hoped this would bring relief, but the pain only deepened. A psychiatrist later diagnosed her with PTSD.
For two years, she received no new information about her son. Then, on Easter, April 19, during a prisoner exchange, one of the released POWs said he’d heard about Yaroslav. He hadn’t seen him, only heard his name mentioned.
“Everyone is tired of talking about it with me, so I stay quiet”: Iryna’s path to therapy
For two years, Iryna lived in limbo — like thousands of families across Ukraine. But human endurance has limits.
“Everything lost its meaning. Then one day I saw an announcement about the GIDNA project in a Telegram chat. It stirred something in me. But I thought, others have it worse, I shouldn't bother anyone. A few days later, I returned, found the post, and filled out the form. I got a call quickly and had a very warm conversation with a specialist.”
Iryna explains that grief is even heavier when there is no one to share it with. “Everyone is tired. Even my older children can’t talk about it with me anymore. My friends are exhausted by it. They can’t bear it, so I keep it all to myself. But the pain doesn’t go away.”
Sincere communication and emotional support are essential for anyone in mourning. Anna Hrubaia adds: “Phrases like 'Be strong,' 'Everything will be fine,' or 'Maybe it’s time to move on' provoke anger. No one truly knows what will happen or how difficult it is to hold on. People don’t know how to be supportive, so they fall back on empty words. A better approach is to ask, 'How can I help you?' Some women need silence. Others want to talk, remember, or cry. Don’t be afraid to ask.”
For women and mothers waiting for loved ones to return from captivity, Iryna has one message: you have to live. “Find moments to truly live. To find joy. I’m sure if Yaroslav knew how I punished myself, how guilty I felt for not fighting harder for him — it would hurt him. He would want me to live.”
Many women don’t even allow themselves to consider the worst. But therapy helps to manage emotions and learn how to grieve in a healthy way. “You shouldn’t bury your pain inside. Seek professional help,” says Iryna.
Working with a psychologist is a gradual path toward feeling safe and grounded again, even while grieving. Without it, returning to a full life is almost impossible.
“Often, therapy begins with resistance. A woman may want to quit, and that’s a normal reaction. After all, therapy means facing your emotions, memories, and fears. But if she continues despite the resistance, that’s a good sign. Over time, trust forms with the therapist. That’s another good sign. The third important step is self-care amid uncertainty. This helps women form new coping strategies — to live through uncertainty without self-destruction, but instead, with self-compassion and strength,” says Anna Hrubaia.
If you or your loved ones need help, please fill out the form at gidna.org. We are here to help you get through this difficult time in your life and regain your psychological stability.
