Experiencing loss is a tough thing to go through alone. The psychologists of the GIDNA project (FFU) work with women who are experiencing an indefinite loss, helping them to accept their experience and pain and to move on with their lives.
Grieving is about finding ways to live with your pain and grief for a loved one. It is always a personal experience, but each case has something in common: severe pain, insomnia, nightmares, worsening of chronic illnesses, and uncontrollable emotional reactions.
How grief affects the psyche:
- Emotional reactions: shock, crying, hysteria, freezing, laughter, and panic.
- Anger and guilt: self-blame, obsessive thoughts.
- Emotional numbness as a defense mechanism, which may look like a manifestation of indifference.
- Dissociative states: derealization, depersonalization.
- Depression, which is a pathological state.
How grief affects the body:
- Cardiovascular system: increased risk of coronary heart disease, heart attack, broken heart syndrome.
- Pain and muscle spasms: headaches, muscle spasms, aggravation of chronic pain.
- Sleep and appetite problems: weight loss or gain, insomnia or excessive sleepiness.
- Digestive problems: irritable bowel syndrome, nausea.
- Stress-related conditions: hair loss, skin problems (dermatillomania, alopecia).
- Weakened immune system: increased risk of infectious and inflammatory diseases.
How people experience loss: complicated and delayed grief
"The grieving process of a bereaved person is often not so consistent: one can experience acceptance and then return to denial or self-blame. It's as if a person experiences grief in waves, feeling calm for a moment and then unbearable pain again," says Anna Hrubaia, a psychologist and curator of the GIDNA project.
The most common model for coping with loss is Elizabeth Kübler-Ross's five stages of grief concept: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
"Over time, grief and feelings do not disappear, but about a year is enough for a person to gradually return to their life: resume their routine and familiar rituals, start communicating with friends and going out again, remember not only their pain but also with a smile - happy moments with the person who is no longer there. If this does not happen, we are talking about complicated grief," says Anna Hrubaia.
Complicated grief is accompanied by obsessive thoughts about how the loss could have been prevented and feelings of guilt. Grieving is prolonged because of changes in the brain: the reward system continues to activate the same neural connections as when interacting with the loved one, preventing you from finding new sources of pleasure.
As a result, the person cannot return to reality, experiences severe physical and emotional pain, and avoids social activity.
A contrary way of living with grief is to postpone it. Unable to deal with their feelings, people seem to "freeze" them. They immerse themselves in work or try to drown out the pain with bad habits or an overly active schedule.
Such suppression only delays the process of living with grief, which can lead to deeper psychological problems in the future.
How to go through the grieving process ecologically and help yourself overcome the pain
- Take care of your basic needs: get enough sleep, watch what you eat, and exercise more, even if it's just long walks at first.
- Surround yourself with supportive and understanding people, even if it seems impossible. Avoid isolation, lest you drown in grief.
- Give yourself time. Do not rush to "get better"; acknowledge and experience your feelings without suppressing them.
- Look for new supports: try new hobbies, make new friends, explore yourself and the world around you, and find something to hold on to.
- Don't hesitate to seek professional help. Especially if you are experiencing anxiety or depression.
The GIDNA project of the Future for Ukraine Foundation provides psychological support to women who have suffered an indefinite loss - whose relatives went missing or are in captivity.
Each project participant receives 16 free consultations with a psychologist and monthly support after completing the counseling course.
You can get help by filling out the form.
